Missing You
by Lucifer Rosemaunt
Summary: ErikRaoul slash. Established relationship. Drabbles. A timeline on the inattentiveness of a certain ghost.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Missing You  
Author: Lucifer Rosemaunt

Fandom: Phantom of the Opera  
Pairing(s): Erik/Raoul  
Summary: Drabbles. A timeline on the inattentiveness of a certain ghost.  
Warning(s): established relationship  
Word Count: some multiple of 100, I presume (x12)  
Rating: K+

A/N: In the middle of writing this, I wondered if anyone ever checked to make sure each drabble was in fact 100 words each or if we really just take it on faith. Don't worry, they all are (or at least Word tells me they are). It was just a random thought.  
This is a birthday fic… belated birthday fic that's kind of angsty and not much of a _happy_ birthday fic with its tone. But hey, Happy Birthday Haru Kinome! :D  
Story note: Raoul's stubborn. I am a firm believer of that and his pride.

o.o.o.o

_Day One_  
It's only one day and Raoul should be fine with this temporary separation because he has managed to live two decades without Erik. They've been apart before; it should not even register that he's alone. But it does. The knowledge that he isn't even allowed to visit no matter how quietly, the mere fact that the choice has been taken away from him makes him want to visit all the more. Erik has his art though; he has music that _needs _to be composed. The thought that Erik can just let 'art' keep him company is less bitter than revelatory.

_Day Eight_  
Time passes quickly enough when Raoul manages to distract himself – he would prefer to use the word 'entertain' but he tries not to lie to himself. The harder he attempts to ignore the lack of interactions with a certain reclusive misanthrope, the more his thoughts linger on afternoons spent listening to music, evenings lazily basking in the freedom to touch each other, and admittedly, days arguing about one thing or another. He should not miss fighting about all the little things, but he does because he always took it to mean that they'd managed to get past the big arguments.

_Day Nineteen_  
Raoul finds himself in Box 5 more and more; it's the closest he can be to Erik and the only place he can think undisturbed. The ghost's absence has finally been noticed. A collective sigh of relief has been released and cautious rumors of Erik's demise have begun. He expects Christine to be worried about her tutor's absence but discovers instead, that she still receives her voice lessons. Everyone is content. The box seat feels even more of an inadequate substitute for company, but tearing down the curtains from the entrance, Raoul manages to find the slightest bit of relief.

_Day Twenty-Three_  
Despite Christine's status as Erik's muse, her lessons have been reduced to once a week. It is the only sign Raoul has that Erik has somehow fallen deeper into his music. It is also the only reason Christine accepts his invitation to leave Paris for a small vacation. She expects to be gone six days. Due to a series of… _unfortunate_ events: inclement weather, a sick horse, and a broken carriage, he keeps her away for fourteen days. She is nearly sick beside herself missing two lessons; he reluctantly sends her back alone before hiding the next three days himself.

_Day Forty_  
The opera house is predictably in turmoil when he returns. He imagines Christine already profusely apologized for their unexpected, 'temporary separation.' Meanwhile, the ghost has emerged from his home only to give a halfhearted, vague threat about the chandelier and the necessity of Christine's presence for the well-being of the entire opera house. The managers, Madame Giry, and even Christine receive notes. He does not. Raoul has one foot in Erik's boat before he calms down long enough to reconsider interrupting him. With a shout, he flings the oar to the middle of the lake. The subsequent splash comforts him.

_Day Forty-Five_  
Raoul is proud he has yet to confront Erik. He has yet to give into the urge to see the other man, but he also cannot bear to see Christine. He considers stealing her away again but knows she would not agree. It is also petty, but he's less mad at himself for such pettiness and more mad at Erik for making him feel this way. Instead, he sits at the shore of the underground lake and strains to hear the music that has stolen Erik from him. The cacophony encourages him to flip the boat and watch it sink.

_Day Fifty-Four_  
Raoul spends less time at the opera house than he is accustomed, but even he cannot miss the opening night of the newest opera. Christine has the largest role and she sounds perfect. While the audience is enthralled with her magnificence, Raoul can only think of how well her lessons must be progressing. He does not pay as much attention as he should. After her standing ovation, after the final curtain is drawn and there have been no mishaps, Raoul visits the managers' box and tells them in no uncertain terms that the ghost's salary has from henceforth been terminated.

_Day Sixty-One_  
He hates that he knows the exact number of days that have passed since they last spoke to each other. He remembers their last words and the words that he had been unable to say in response. The words "no," "why," "unacceptable," and phrases "not alone," "pushing me away," and "need interaction" crowd his brain and choke him. He refuses to be the first to break the silence, refuses to be the first to break; so, he goes through the passageways that Erik had so carefully shown him. He springs every trap and trips every wire and alarm he knows.

_Day Seventy-Nine_  
Christine has her lesson today. When he sneaks down into Erik's home, he avoids thinking how many more times she's seen Erik than he has. On the corner of the organ lies an innocuous pile of sheet music. Moving closer, Raoul sees the top of the pile is half-filled, scribbles and notations so clearly in Erik's penmanship. Markings on a page, Raoul muses, he is less important than ink on paper. It is only because he is resigned to such truths that he does not grab the entire sheaf. A handful of pages and a candle create a beautiful tableau.

_Day Eight-Two_  
Raoul doesn't worry about the destruction he's wrought; he waits for retribution. Erik responds with silence alone and Christine has no helpful news. By her words, her tutor is alive and well; he simply does not care about an abandoned viscount. It is only in the midst of his meticulous plan to burn the wretched organ and music that Raoul realizes he isn't quite himself. He's been reduced to anger and lashing out, and he cannot remember when the cycle began, hardly remembers the whys of being with Erik if he hates more than misses him. All his planning ceases.

_Day Ninety-Three_  
Raoul has meant to visit Erik. He knows putting off their meeting will only make matters more difficult, but he's realized that he's been obsessing, revolving life around a single facet, the single fact of loving Erik. At this point, he loves and hates him in equal measures. He maintains a glimmer of hopefulness but knows them to be capable of such poisonous annihilation. The poison in _him_ makes Raoul stay away as they'd agreed. He still wants to burn the organ, burn Erik's compositions, and maybe kidnap Christine again for good measure. Instead, he gives Erik one more day.

_Day Ninety-Four_  
The waiting is worst, Raoul knows, because it is an amalgam of uncertainty, doubt, anger, and longing. The interim drags out the worst in him, apathy and vindictiveness. He's examined them as they were together and apart, scrutinized them in every which way. Raoul loves him still, but his standing in Erik's purview reveals the only truth that matters. He cannot wait to mean more to him. He had spent the better part of the year doing so, believing success. Today marks the anniversary of a relationship he does not think exists any longer… that will not exist any longer.

o.o.o.o

End ficlet

A/N: Don't forget to R/R (Read and Review)!  
Fic Review: _"I want to write "I miss you" on a rock and throw it at your face so you know how much it hurts to miss you."_

Poor Raoul, it's only because you love/miss him so much that you can hold that much resentment. I was iffy at first about Raoul's reaction; I wondered if he shouldn't confront Erik, but really, Erik still sees Christine. Yeah, that's the end of the argument. Erik still visits Christine. Wth, Erik? We all figured out that as far as Erik's concerned the ranking of importance is as follows: 1) ink on paper, 2) Christine, 3) Raoul… argument done. DX

Maybe this is a two-shot.


	2. Chapter 2

Title: Missing You  
Chapter: 02  
Author: Lucifer Rosemaunt

Fandom: Phantom of the Opera  
Pairing(s): Erik/Raoul  
Summary: Drabbles. A timeline on the balance between our work and our life – and how some people cannot do both at one time.  
Warning(s): established relationship, some violence  
Word Count: 100 x 16  
Rating: K+

A/N: Sorry this took longer than I expected. It's because Erik's a stubborn sob.  
Story note: Two-shot because it definitely needed to be one. Although, considering the title, I don't think it should have a resolution but we'll see by the end of this chapter if Erik gives us one.

o.o.o.o

_Day Naught _  
A building itch skitters beneath his skin, a nervous energy that disrupts his very function as the opera ghost. It's accompanied by chords and arpeggios that consume his thoughts, and even though he's decided to never attempt another opera after the one Christine inspired within him, he finds one already being composed in his mind because of Raoul. A smile, a laugh, a touch, each drives Erik closer to madness because the corresponding melodies are perfection, but they become altered with every interaction with Raoul. Erik needs to send him away because genius as he is, he cannot keep up.

_Day One_  
Raoul's absence is just as troublesome as his presence. Erik must ignore the deafening silence without his chatter, the cold that seeps deep into his bones without his touch, and the grim prospect of the day without his smile. The music changes still with each void, and Erik rages against such mutability in anything, much less the music that compels him to the organ every moment of the day. He is tempted to recant the separation but instead forces himself to sit before the organ. The music is there at his fingertips and he can almost forget the lingering emptiness.

_Day Two_  
Erik doesn't sleep because he knows he'll dream of Raoul and the sound that he finds himself chasing will change course. The sheets in front of him are scribbled with notes scratched out and rewritten, strains and melodies starting and stopping. Despite his fatigue, the very soul of the music has yet to settle, as though it is unsure of its destination. It is Raoul's voice that says he should sleep. He answers the empty home before he can stop himself. The increasingly familiar ache within him grows; he decides it's simply the music that wants to be set free.

_Day Three_  
Music is his sustenance, but Erik feels lightheaded, not having eaten or slept since he began composing. He had once spent near a week only composing without feeling the slightest effect and blames Raoul for his current weakness. Sitting by the organ, the blond's eyes are closed, looking completely rested and at ease and Erik wants to be angry with him. Reaching down to feel the curve of his jaw, he catches air instead and Erik is alone again. He forces food and water down his throat before settling before the organ. The ache has returned and he must play.

_Day Four_  
A hand gently strokes his head. Fingers brush across his forehead and down to his deformity. Lips press to his temple and warm breath caresses his skin. Erik relaxes; he hears a breathy laugh but those hands do not stop touching. It's only when Raoul doesn't speak – his viscount is rarely ever quiet – that Erik realizes he's dreaming. He wastes the day away lying in the bed they share, chasing that touch. When he does get up, he is halfway out of his home, boat secured across the lake before he stops and returns. The music tries harder to escape.

_Day Five_  
Slowly, slower than it used to take, Erik sinks into a rhythm that does not upset his state of mind. Beyond the keys and pedals before him, a plot plays itself out, meagerly working its way through Erik's head and forming itself around the tonality of the chords and keys his fingers find. Two men and one woman, but the story is less of the love triangle that it appears to be on the surface. It's less of a triangle and more of a confession, of desperate, unacceptable love. Opera is an embodiment of passion, and the story is perfect.

_Day Thirty_  
His rhythm is broken and Erik refuses to wait for Christine. Their reduced lessons have already threatened to become more of an annoyance than an assistance to him. Soon, her lessons will become more sporadic, but there's an aria he knows to be hers, necessitating these lessons for it to sound as he hears it within his head. She is not who concerns him though. This break in schedule allows his thoughts to stray to Raoul. The ache of their music had finally settled to a dull throb. He's forced to rush to the organ before it can worsen again.

_Day Thirty-Seven_  
Christine returns. Erik's already forgotten about her truancy, but faced with her cowering in fear and apology, he realizes he's been remiss in his duties as opera ghost. He does the bare necessities, makes several appearances on the catwalk and delivers his notes. He trusts all has been fine in Raoul's care… Raoul, that single word waylays his thoughts. He's tempted to write to him, but the words would never be enough, not when he could see him, touch him. Instead, Erik locks himself within the innermost of his home, imprisoning himself as the music desperately claws through his chest.

_Day Sixty-One_  
A distant sound not produced by the organ causes him to pause, but the noise is negligible now that he knows to ignore it. He turns his attention to one of the male leads and the leitmotif that has caused him to stumble. It is unexpected but confirms Erik's suspicions that the music, _this _music was not meant to be created in darkness, hidden away. This character is sunshine, light, and hope. He is freedom and air, and Erik suffers, knowing why it is so. Yet, he can only proceed where the music obliges; the creation is in the suffering.

_Day Seventy-Nine_  
Erik returns to his home in even worse spirits than when he'd left. He can think only of his failure, his sheer incompetence at properly conveying and composing the deeper truths of this opera. Christine had _praised_ the romance between the man and the woman and Erik had nigh broken the mirror to correct her error. Unseeingly, he returns to his organ, letting the sheets he'd brought for her lesson fall to the floor. With a shout and a sweep of his arms, the pages scatter. It's all wrong and the ache swells in agreement as he, too, falls down.

_Day One Hundred-Ten  
_He has not successfully composed anything in days, even after restarting and marginally succeeding in reorganizing the sheet music. Little of the melodies have changed, unlike many actions and several recitatives. He finds, however, that though the ache remains, the clarity of the music has not. A persistent knocking of wood against the lakeshore rouses him from his daze. Stumbling out to investigate, Erik finds his oar bumping against the rocks. Dragging it ashore, he glances at the portcullis to confirm it is down and no one waits on the other side. He does not understand the disappointment that follows.

_Day One Hundred-Eleven_  
The opera is not done. It will never be done. It will remain yet _another_ unfinished, worthless pile of papers: the first, the one inspired by Christine and the second, the second is still some grand dream. Or a nightmare. The music burns beneath the cage of his ribs, eats away at his stomach, but it refuses to come out. He has tried and tried but the music is illusive, much like submerging himself under water, all muted sounds, shifting lights, and blurred, waving impressions. It is there but unrecognizable and Erik knows he's going to allow himself to fail.

_Day One Hundred-Twelve_  
Finally leaving his home, Erik feels unsettled. It's in the small things: a misplaced candle, the missing boat, the lack of missives sent via Madame Giry. More importantly, Raoul is not where he should be. He _is _inside the opera house, but he is not acknowledging him, preferring instead to speak with the managers though he calls. When Erik finally does grab him, it is a relief to touch him and the ache lessens. When Raoul pulls away, he is less unsettled and more wary – with good reason, for Raoul says, "I want to make our separation permanent," before leaving.

_Day One Hundred-Thirteen  
_Raoul is not in the opera house, not in his home, and no one seems concerned about the unscheduled absence. It takes an entire day of frantic, dogged searching and threatening lives before Erik realizes he does not know where to look for the viscount. The only thing he can do now is wait; so he climbs Raoul's balcony, breaks into his bedroom, and settles himself behind the door. His anger has given way to outrage then to worry, and he begins to wonder if the ache that has settled as a stone within him is not, in fact, music.

_Day One Hundred-Seventeen_  
He's travelled between the opera house and Raoul's home as many times as he's fluctuated between blinding anger and numbing worry. He's terrorized the occupants of both locations but still only has the vaguest idea of what he'll do when he finds Raoul. He _will _find him; there's no other outcome. So, when Raoul comes home in the evening and says, "It's you." Erik has his hands around his neck, their foreheads pressed together and both their eyes watering – though for different reasons – before a verbal response forms. Raoul is unconscious the whole night; Erik falls asleep curled around him.

_Day One Hundred-Eighteen_  
Erik feels Raoul breathing, and the ache pulses in time with each inhale and exhale, fading ever so slowly. Raoul is the cause of his suffering, not the music he inspires, not the opera, not even the consequent failure – for his entire life's a series of failures. It is _his _Raoul who causes this ailment. Erik knows now, however, that he's also the cure. Just being this close, having Raoul tucked tightly against him makes something within him soar so intensely it could very well be an opera, but he needs Raoul with him to make any of it worthwhile.

o.o.o.o

End ficlet

A/N: Don't forget to R/R (Read and Review)!  
Fic Review: Erik is obviously much less versed in missing people. Also, damnit, Erik for messing things up so badly. It's kind of resolved but not really. Thematically, I believe it to be resolved – Erik's not going to let Raoul out of his sight for a long while. They won't have the opportunity to miss each other. Relationship-wise, not so much – although, I will say that I believe Raoul to be amenable to making up with Erik… even considering the whole choking event. Honestly, I think it's a perfect metaphor for how Erik deals with feelings he doesn't understand. At least Raoul doesn't die. (I like how that should be a consolation. XD)

Make up what you will about how they get back together. Maybe Raoul's reluctant but then gives in because he's still hung up on him but threatens that if they ever take another 'separation' it _will _reallybe permanent.


End file.
